thoughts for the Day

Fools or Realists in a Dominican Paradigm

2010-02-07T12:43:00.000-08:00

The Essence article described Black men flocking to the DR for cheap sex and the illusion of feeling like a man. The article quoted men who informed Black women that they need to learn from the Dominican sistas as to how to treat a man like a man. The flip side reflected a stringent reminder that the men are consorting with prostitiutes whose aim is to separated them from their ten and twenty dollar bills in exchange for fantasy sex and the pretend royal treatment. Many brothas who have resorted to DR junkets say that the exchange and expectation of DR sistas and US sistas is the same: the man has to pay if he plans on getting what he wants. US sistas find this simplistic analysis appalling and insulting. "The brothas treat us like two bit whores which illuminates the problems," one US sista frustratedly explained. "What Black women want is a relationship and a relationship involves a certain amount of wining and dining. The man traditionally bears the brunt of that cost, but what we want is commitment, not just flash and finance," she explained. The brothas disagree.

"Whether you spend the money here with the US sista, or in the DR with those sistas, it's all leading to sex. These sistas know it and need to just be honest." The brotha was frustrated. Is the disconnect fatal to Black Love? Who needs a reality check? Candor is the only kindness.

Letting Go

2009-08-02T05:17:00.000-07:00

"As he held my neck with both of his strong hands and was trying to choke my life away, I calmed myself and told my ex-husband, 'It's time to just let go.' His face lost its fury and his hands lost their grip. The hate and bloodthirst in his eyes were immediately replaced with tears and shame. Then he just let go."

The most deadly and elusive parasites known to mankind are those that we can't see and which eat us from the inside out. The third leg to this trilogy of harmful parasitic characteristics is that these monsters are created by and within our own minds. Hate, jealousy, cynicism and other poisonous cousins are created by us, nurtured by us, fed by us and acted on by us. While the better part of valor and the belly of good sense scream that we should just let go, we tighten our grip on our tormentors as if our own blood supply is dependent upon the survival of these self-destructive mental concoctions. A wise woman once said, "As we navigate life's sometimes choppy waters, we cannot control the direction or strength of the of the magnificent wind, we can only control the position of our sails." The challenge of our lives is whether we have the courage to let go and whether we love ourselves enough to let go of the things that are simply not good for us.

Death is Overrated

2009-07-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

The transition from life to the afterlife to be an amazing phenomenon. We go from self-important, egocentric, death fearing life clingers to pure spirit. Death itself is shorter than a millisecond. Yet it holds many of us hostage from really enjoying our lives. The fact is that although we were real and meaningful in life, death converts us to a mere memory...a small place in the hearts of a few.